Emofobgirl's Journals

You Know You're An All Time Low Fan When...

You Know You're an All Time Low Fan When...

1. Your All Time Low CD's are your most prized possession.

2. You like the Macarena.
+ You say "[insert your name here] likes the Macarena."
++ "Jack" is the name you insert regardless of what your name is.

3. You need Lullabies to sing you to sleep.

4. You are Shameless.

5. You have arguments with yourself over whether Zack's a douchebag or if Zack's just quiet.

6. You randomly steal construction cones & put them on your friend's heads.

7. When you hear someone say "count me in," you say, "there's a story at the bottom of this bottle & I'm the pen."

8. You have memorized the dance to Poppin'.

9. You want to feel Weightless ('cause it would be enough).

10. You are planning on naming your son Alex, Jack, Zack, or Rian.

11. You are planning on naming your daughter Maria, Holly, Jasey, or Stella.

12. Circles are your favorite shape.

13. You realize Holly is actually about Hollywood and Stella is about a beer, not some girls.

14. You can't believe that "fans" don't recognize Rian and don't consider them fans at all.

15. You look in trash cans trying to find your "MOM?"

16. You're dying to get matching tattoos with them.
+you already have done this.

17. You feel like you have to stay seventeen.

18. You have dressed up as one of the band members for Halloween.
+people recognized you.
++ It wasn't Halloween.

19. You stalk them on MySpace/Buzznet/Facebook/Twitter
+ you stalk the crew members too.
++ and people that you believe have songs of theirs written about them (like Maria or Jasey)

20. You think Baltimore is the greatest city for being All Time Low's hometown.

21. Whenever you insult someone, you say "Nothing Personal" afterwards.

22. You feel like you are Damned if You do Them, Damned if You Don't.

23. You know the words to Living the Dream even though it hasn't officially been released.

24. You've seen every Buzznet video.
+ Multiple times.

25. You know all of the crew members. You don't say "who's that?" when they show Grieco or Matt Flyzik or Vinny.

26. You wish you were Cody Carson and able to sing with them.

27. You are a Straight Up Hustler.

28. Your favorite dance move is the "Superman."
+ "....that hoe."

29. You love Lisa & Kara & think that they make the perfect couples with Alex and Rian

30. You think Alex & Jack would make the most amazing gay couple ever.

31. When you see Atlanta abbreviated ATL, you flip out.

32. If your weekend doesn't go as planned, you just say "maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year."

33. You know more songs than just Dear Maria, Weightless or Damned.

34. You know what the Three Words To Remember When Dealing With The End are.

35. You know ALL the lyrics to ALL the songs on So Wrong It's Right.
+ and Nothing Personal.
++ and Put Up or Shut Up.
+++ and Party Scene.
++++ and Three Words.

36. You sing along to Alex's indie/emo song & Jack's boner song.

37. You've downloaded all of their music videos.
+ including the unreleased Hustler and Circles videos.
++ and the Buzznet videos.

38. Their songs dominate your iPod.

39. You say to your friends, "my friends are a different breed. My friends are everything."
+ you call these "Vegas moments".

40. It always amazes you how incredibly sexy Alex Gaskarth is.

41. You have named your fish (and snail) after the tour pets.
+you have gotten fish solely for this reason.

42. Your friends think you're obsessed and need a life.
+ they're right

43. If you don't have All Time Low merch, you took an old T-shirt and wrote All Time Low all over it.

44. Your binder/locker has their pictures all over it.
+because of this you have been "suspended and possibly molested by the school enforcement agency."

45. You think Rian and Zack deserve more fame.

46. When someone asks who All Time Low is, you slap them across the face.

47. You have turned someone into a fan of theirs.

48. You obsess over them so much your friends start to hate them.

49. You have read all of these.
+ you've done at least one of them.

50. They are without a doubt your favorite band ever and you love them with all of your heart!

*edit* (I came up with these)
51. You need/are in Therapy.
52.When youwalk into Tim Hortons/Starbucks, you sing Coffee Shop Soundtrack.
52. Blink 182 is your hero.
+you have a tatoo to prove it.

Check out usdan12cello for more.

Original:
http://www.buzznet.com/groups/alltimelowfans/journals/78077191/

Pretty cool journal, I felt the need to re-post it cause I liked it so much. Do not credit me for this because I did not write it.

Same Blood Chapter Two

Same Blood

Part One

Chapter Two

Thick curtains were drawn over the large windows, old antique furniture was scattered decoratively across the room. I quickly realized I was in a bedroom, and I was lying on a massive four-poster bed with curtains; they were drawn back with thick tasseled ropes. I turned my head to the side as I sat up and saw Sam doing the same.

"Brooklyn!" she whispered, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so. You?" she nodded.

"Where are we?" I asked, she shook her head, "I don't know."

I stood up and went to open the thick curtains. I pushed them aside and let the sunshine enter the room.

Suddenly my eyes and skin exploded in pain, I yelped and jerked the curtains shut again. I looked down at my arm where the sun had hit me, it blazed red and I could see it swelling up before my eyes. I rubbed my eyes and turned to face Sam, who was also rubbing her eyes vigorously.

"What the hell was that?" she said. I shook my head.

I heard footsteps ascending stairs outside the old mahogany door and I jumped. I joined Sam on the bed and we clutched at each other in fear as we waited for the door to open and see what lay beyond.

"Em! Connor!" I said as they opened the door and entered. We rushed to hug them and bombarded them with questions.

"Guys, calm down," Connor said with a grin with Emerson chuckled softly behind him.

"Can you guys please explain to us what the hell is going on?" Sam said angrily.

"Come on downstairs and we'll explain," Emerson said, holding open the door for us.

As I exited past Emerson, I caught the smell of something delicious, something irresistible, it smelled like sunshine and the smell after as thunderstorm mixed with the smells of a meadow; it was mouthwatering. I looked up at Em and he smiled down at me.

"Glad to see you," he said softly, his breath blew in my face and the smell of it lean towards him involuntarily. The smell was emanating off his skin, out of every pore of his body; it made me ache for him.

And it also confused me. Em had been my best friend - nothing more - for years. What was this sudden attraction I had for him?

Nevertheless, I followed Connor and Sam down the stairs, Emerson following behind me. The rest of the house proved to be as massive and old as the bedroom we had just left. Antique furniture and huge old-fashioned windows were everywhere; it seemed to be an old Victorian style with dark wood.

Connor and Em sat us down on an old couch and they sat across from us in matching armchairs,

"So?" I said anxiously.

Connor took a deep breath and began, "five days ago you were in a car accident that gave you injuries so severe that you were going to die. Emerson and I went to see you and we realized what was going to happen, we snuck you out of the hospital and brought you here."

"Where is 'here' exactly?" I interrupted.

"We are in rural Indiana," Em answered me.

Connor continued, "yes, we brought you here where we..."
he hesitated, "we...bit you...and turned you into one of us."

Mine and Sam's mouths flopped open and Connor and Em shifted nervously.

"What would that be exactly?" I finally asked.

Emerson leaned towards me conspiratorially and whispered: "Vampires."

DUN DUN DUN!

Comment and Buzz! I need opinions!

Halloween!

Oh geez, Halloween was awesome. We had a car ful of zombies, literally.

Haley and I were absolutely terrifying! If, you know, zombies sitting ona front porch singing and playing guitar can be scary. I discovered that Haley and I can harmonize quite well.
We met "Kanye West" and he told me a played good, and got lots of compliments on my singing. (I guess that's good. I'm trying to get used to playing for people cause Josh and I want to entrer a BOTB in February) And then we asked some little kids if their brains tasted delicous.

Halloween horror stories? what did you do?

Same Blood Chapter One

Same Blood

Part One

Chapter One

Sam and I sat at a red light in downtown Chicago laughing manically. The chilly February air swirled around my little Volkswagen, carrying with it a fine powder of snow.

We had just seen a man with a neon orange belt with green pants and shirt walking down the street, he looked so ridiculous we couldn't help ourselves.

"Oh my gosh you know what he looked like?" Sam said with a grin.

"Who?" I said as the light turned green and the cars in front of us started to move.

"Michelangelo! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!" she sang.

"He's in a cult, he must be, nobody else in their right mind would wear that," I said firmly.

"Holy crap, Brooks, it's an Orange Belt Cult!" she said in mock terror, "they're going to destroy us all!"

We continued laughing as we crossed the intersection, then, about halfway through, her laugh turned into a true scream of terror.

I whipped my head to the side, too late, as a pair of headlights smashed into us.

The two men rushed into the subdued hospital looking harried and scared. They had been called and told that Brooklyn Smithie and Samantha Colmes - their best friends - had been in a horrible car accident.

"Hi, we're Connor James and Emerson Watts, we're here for Brooklyn Smithie and Sam Colmes," one of them said to an elderly receptionist. He was tall with dark skin and black hair with brown eyes with a straight nose and strong jaw, this was Connor. Emerson was slightly shorter than Connor, but still tall, his hair a brown with a reddish tint to it; his eyes were large and green, his skin pale. She nodded and shuffled through some papers, "one moment please," she said politely. Connor nodded and motioned to Emerson and they retreated slightly away from the counter.

Emerson was shaking, and Connor put his hand on his arm, looking at him with eyes that tried to hide the fear. The fear of losing their best friends; the fear of having to live without them.

"Connor James and Emerson Watts?" a man in a white lab coat emerged from the white double doors and looked around for them.

"Here," Connor said shakily.

"Come with me please," he said, motioning to them.

"I'm Doctor Ramirez," he said, obviously he was Latino; his skin was tanned, his hair and eyes very darkly colored.

"They were brought in after their car was hit by a driver who ran a red light. They slid into a barrier and tipped over. They are both stable, for now, but their injuries are major and we'll be keeping a close eye on them over the next few days," he explained as they walked through the maze of the hospital. Every step they took the smell of disease, death, and blood reached their sensitive noses and drove them to the brink of insanity. So, when they finally reached the right room, their entire frames were shaking severely.

The beeping and buzzing of medical equipment met their ears first, and as their eyes adjusted to the dim light, they saw what a mess they were. There were tubes and wires snaked across their bodies and into their skin, stitches and bandages covered most of their bodies, and their hearts beat rather erratically on the monitors.

"What's the matter with them?" Emerson said shakily.

"Most of their ribs are broken, they had some internal bleeding, severe concussions, Miss Brooklyn has a punctured lung; her side of the vehicle was the one hit. We have them stabilized for now, but we'll have close eyes on them for the next several days," he informed them.

"Will they be okay?" Emerson asked.

"There's no way to tell this soon, I'm sorry," Dr Ramirez replied, then exited.

"Connor, we have to do something," Emerson said anxiously, his eyes shining, "they aren't going to make it.

"I know. Quick, close the door and open the window," Connor said as he swiftly switched off al the monitors and disconnected the wires and tubes from their mangled bodies. Connor scooped up Sam and Emerson got Brooklyn, then they carefully climbed out the window and ran into the night.

Everything was blurry; my senses didn't seem to be working right, except for one. I felt stabbing pain on my neck and wrists that radiated outward to the rest of my body; I couldn't move or make a sound. The pain froze me where I was...where am I exactly? The last thing I remember is those headlights coming towards me. Where's Sam? Is she okay?

Everything was so black, and I couldn't force my eyes to open. Flashes of memories skipped across my closed eyelids. The headlights, the man in green and orange...the longer I sat, the farther back I remembered...the day Sam and I met, Emerson's smile, Connor's joyful laugh, Swinging on a swing set as a child...

Why was it so dark? Why was there so much pain? Every fiber of my being was exploding in pain, the longer I was frozen, the stronger the pain was. Was I dead? Death was supposed to be peaceful, this was incredibly torturous.

I don't know how long I was stuck this way, the pain getting worse and worse, it could have been years, it could have been days; when all of a sudden it was gone, and everything was clear again. I opened my eyes and looked up into a darkened room.

Okay, so this is more of an opening/informative first chapter, so it's not very exciting. The next chapter is way better in my opinion.
Hope you enjoyed it! Buzz and comment, comment, comment!

Juse Because I Love You - October

October is my favorite month of the year. Fall is in its prime, the leaves are turning and rotting; and it may sound weird but I love that smell, and it's starting to cool off, but not so much that freeze your butt off. And of course, we all know the best part of October is Halloween! It's the best holiday of the year, in my opinion.

I've been in conflict over what I wanted to be. I went from 80's/Raver, to a zombie, to a ghost, and back again. I briefly considered vampire, but with all of the mania right now, I'd probably get beat up. So my best friend and I finally ended up at eighties zombies. It's going to be so much fun!

We went from Clawson Michigan to Hamburg New York, then back to Clawson, then to Lake Orion. Three times in the last year or so, that is absolutely ridiculous. That also means three different high schools. Then, with in the next two or three years, I'll have to move again!

I've been thinking lately about how much all of this moving in the last year has changed me. I used to be this fun loving person, very social, you could almost never get me to shut up. I loved meeting new people and trying new things and having awkward shallow conversation with complete strangers. I had a huge group of friends and loved being with people in general. I used to live for that kind of stuff!
But then the whole fiasco started, and it seems to have morphed my entire personality into someone I never expected to be.
I now loathe small talk and meeting new people; I have had enough new people to last me the rest of my life. I'm quieter than I was, even a year ago, more secluded. I'd rather do things on my own. My circle has shrunk drastically; I have my two best friends, Haley and Josh (who is also my favorite cousin and band-mate), than I have Casey; who is one of the only good things that came out of New York.

And it's ironic because I plan on going into childcare! And not just childcare, autism childcare, and that's even more difficult. It's one of those things that if you don't meet new people, you'll never advance in the field, it's a networking kind of thing.

It was a good month in music this month. We had the new Paramore album (which didn't actually come out in October, but its close enough). A new Mayday Parade album (which is AMAZING), a new Tokio Hotel album, the Glamour Kills Tour started, and we got a new Young Veins song! It was a good month indeed. I also feel I should mention Craig Owens leaving Chiodos. The band has said that they do not wish to release the reason why.
Chiodos is nothing without him. Craig Owens is and will always be Chiodos; they won't find anyone with a voice like that anywhere else.

I don't know if it's just me, but the "My Song of the Moment" module on my Buzznet page makes me angry. You type in the artist name and it gives you a pull down list of the songs right? So why are none of the songs I ever want on there? I've tried to get I Swear This Time I Mean It from Mayday Parade, and Therapy from All Time Low, and Careful by Paramore, but they're never there! BLEH!

Band of the Month:
Mayday Parade

Quote of the Month:
"I like my men the way I like my marshmallows....flaming." - Alyssa Gilbert

Anyway, that's my rant of the month. Happy Halloween!

Same Blood - Preface

Preface to "Same Blood"

Named after The Academy Is... song, Same Blood is an epic tale of the journey of two girls from humans to blood-sucking creatures of the night. Follow the adventure of Samantha Colmes and Brooklyn Smithie as they make the transition from humans to vampires. Caught in a tragic drunk driving accident, the two girls are on the verge of death. Making the most difficult decision of their everlasting lives, Connor James and Emerson Watts must change them into fledgling vampires. Soon after regaining consciousness, Brooklyn comes to be aware of something new between herself and Emerson, something totally nature driven and foreign. Called an Impression, the bond between them now is impenetrable and unbreakable, but Brooklyn struggles against it all the same. She runs and finds someone who feels right to her, Kyle Airress.

One night, Brooklyn and Sam run into an ancient group of vampires, who call themselves The Burners. A group of over-religious figures who, even after becoming one themselves, continues to try to diminish the vampire population by killing all new vampires. In the ensuing fight to rescue them, someone close to her dies, and she cannot stop blaming herself. She vows to avenge her fallen love.

Character List (part one):

Emerson (Em) Watts

- auburn hair, green eyes, slightly shorter then Connor, stubborn, in love with Brooklyn, changes her.

Connor James

- dark skin, black hair, strong jaw, straight nose, brown eyes, literal, perceptive ability, mature

Samantha (Sam) Colmes

- medium length blonde hair, pixie-like,

Brooklyn (Brooks) Smithie

- Long black hair, green eyes, pale, stubborn, independent,

Alexis (Alex) Hammonds

- medium length curly blonde hair, talks a lot and quickly

Kyle Airress

-red hair, tall, well built, boyish face

William Epps

- skinny, shorter than Kyle, short brown hair, geeky looking in a good way

Same Blood is my first original story, based off of characters that I created. I took the title of The Academy Is...'s song because it was so appropriate for it. Same Blood is told from Brooklyn's point of view, and yes, it is a vampire story. Sorry. You could say I've been feeling pretty inspired by vampires lately. Anyway, I think it's pretty good. I think it's the best work I've done so far. I felt the need to expand beyond fan-fics to something a little more mature. And I get to be more creative with this one too, so it's another plus.
This is the first half of a two part story. Part two is still in the works, but I'm putting up part one while I'm finishing it.

click here to read my last fic "Lullabies", the sequel to "Six Feet Under the Stars",
or,
here if you want to read "Six Feet Under The Stars".

Questions? Comments?

Lullabies - ch. 12 FINAL INSTALLMENT

When I finally regained consciousness, the first thing I noticed was the steady breathing of someone nearby, the beeping and buzzing of machines came next, and then the dull throbbing pain that was all over my body. It pulsed and throbbed like the speakers at a concert, it was like I was being squeezed into a space too small. Every breath hurt, every pump of my heart sent shockwaves through my nerves.

My eyelids were heavy, I couldn't force them open. I was so tired, I drifted back into oblivion.

The next time I woke up, there was someone's hand - small and warm - on my forehead brushing my hair away from my eyes, another on my hand. I was again aware of the pulsating pain, the various beeps and buzzes. Then I heard a new sound, a sob. My eyes were still so heavy, but I forced them open. It took a few moments for my eyes to focus again, but I looked up into Anna's tear-streaked face.

She gasped, "Alex, oh, Alex! You're awake!"

"Hi Anna," I said, my chest ached and my voice was raspy.

"I was so worried!" she fussed, still crying.

"Anna, calm down," I said, squeezing her hand gently, "how long have I been out?"

"Almost four days," she said shakily.

I blanched, four days? I had spent the equivalent of four days of real time in about a half hour in the meadow?

"How are you feeling?" she asked anxiously.

I groaned, "Everything hurts. What's wrong with me?"

"A few broken ribs, concussion, a fractured wrist, a punctured lung, and tons and tons of stitches, you lost a lot of blood," she rattled off, and then she sobbed again and threw herself on me, hugging me tightly around the neck.

"Alex, were so scared you weren't going to make it. I'm so happy you're okay."

"Ow, Anna, you're hurting me," I groaned.

She released me quickly, "oops. Sorry. I was just," she sniffled, "we were all really worried. They told us that...that you were dead."

"I know. It's okay. I'll be okay," I reassured her, she was more worried about me than I was, "are you the only one here?" I made a face as my chest ached some more.

"Jack - Rian and Zack left an hour or so ago - and your friends from Chicago got here yesterday," she said.

"They're here? Where?" I said incredulously.

"They went somewhere over an hour ago, I don't know where."

"How long have you been here?" I said, noticing for the first time the general untidiness that was obvious in her appearance and the dark circles under her eyes.

"I haven't left at all," she said tiredly, stifling a yawn.

"Oh, Anna, honey, go home and get some rest. I'll be fine," I said gently.

"No, I'm fine. I want to make sure you're okay," hesitantly, she leaned over me and pressed her lips to my forehead. I reached over - wincing - with the only hand that didn't have wires or tubes attached to it, and pulled her down to meet her lips with mine.

"Ahem," a voice said. Anna straightened up and we looked towards the door.

"Careful Anna, he might lose consciousness again," Alyssa said with a grin. Ivy, Kyle and Bill stood behind her.

They trooped in, followed shortly by Jack. "How are you feeling?" Ivy asked anxiously.

I gave her look, "as good I can feel, considering."

"You scared us," said Bill.

"So I've heard," I said, glancing at Anna. She grinned.

A nurse bustled in and looked around at my entourage with wide eyes, "I'm sorry, but visiting hours have just closed. Miss Anna, will you be staying with him again tonight?"

Anna looked at me uncertainly, "I told them I was your sister," she whispered in my ear.
I squeezed her fingers, "go home, get some sleep."
She still looked uncertain, but she trooped out behind the others anyway.

"Bye guys," I said, waving weakly.

They all still looked so nervous, so sad. Were they still thinking about what had happened with Haley? How when she left, we only got to see her once more before she killed herself? Did they think I did this on purpose? And Anna, did she blame herself? She knew I was upset when I left, what if she did blame herself?
But then my thoughts turned to Haley and the meadow. She had looked so beautiful, had I looked the same? I hadn't really paid attention to much of anything except her. I knew that image of her would stay imprinted in my mind for the rest of my life. It was unforgettable.
I had woken up peacefully, no screaming, no tears, and for that I was grateful; but it surprised me. I expected the hole in my chest to be ripped wide open again, and for the excruciating memories to come, but it wasn't there. She had fixed me, there was no more hole in my chest, and no pain came with the blocked memories now flooding into my conscious brain.
Had it all been a crazy, hallucinatory dream? Was I losing my sanity after all? Or was it already gone? How long had I really been there? Did it work as all dreams do, where a few short moments can really be hours...or even days?

These questions buzzed around in my head like a swarm of angry bees. So many questions...and no answers.

Over a week later, I was still in the hospital. My chest still ached, due to the punctured lung and broken ribs, and my voice was raspy and weak. Boredom had overtaken me. Jack brought me my guitar and some sweatpants, because the itchy hospital gown drove me up the wall. The people in my neighboring rooms complained to the nurses about the racket, but I ignored them. The younger nurses giggled and batted their lashes at me, and I ignored that too.

I talked about Haley quite freely now, with everybody, including Jack and Rian and Zack. I could talk about her now without regretting it; without ripping the hole in my heart wide open, without a black abyss threatening to swallow me whole. And now others could remember her too. But I kept the meeting in the meadow to myself. That was mine and hers, and nobody else's.

I wished she had had the same chance that I did, that she could have come back like I did. But I knew I would see her again someday, when my time came, just as hers did. I carried this information around in my chest like a talisman, and was determined to make my life worth living now. I was with Anna, and I loved her. For herself, and not Haley. It was wonderful, being able to that, to feel love again. Those years had been such an emotionless abyss that I had almost forgotten what it felt like for anyone except Haley. I'd lost all interest in anyone else. However hard I tried to bring it back it wouldn't come, but now it was back. I started talking to my parents again, which I hadn't done since the day I left, and I grew close to Alyssa and Ivy and Bill and Kyle again, like it was before.

So, one day when Jack, Rian, Zack, and I finally decided to settle on a name for the band, I simply smiled and wound my fingers into Anna's, then said: "All Time Low."

End.

The Epic Conclusion! Okay, not so epic, but not a fail eh?
I have decided to post the one I was working on all summer. I finished part one (it's divided into two parts) over the weekend and I'm going to post part one while I'm working on part two. I'm going to make some final editing changes and get it up either late this week or early next week.

I hope you enjoyed Lullabies! Thanks to everyone who Buzzed or Commented, or added me because they like it. It makes me feel pretty good :D Look out for the next story to unravel from my brain, "Same Blood"!

Lullabies - pt. 11

Lullabies
Part Eleven

"W-what happened?" I asked. I had so many questions. I was intrigued to discover how calm I still was, even after finding out that I was dead.

"Car crash. You hit a truck head-on after you dropped Anna off. You were too...distracted," she said with a sly grin. I smiled too, embarrassed.

"So you know then," I said dully.

"If you're referring to how you kind of lost it a bit...then yes. I know everything."

"I knew it," I said hopelessly. I knew it, I'd finally lost my mind, all this was just another hallucinatory dream, my subconscious forcing me to remember things I didn't want to. I would enjoy it for now, and wake up screaming and drowning my own tears.

"So that was never you? You know...in my head?"

"No, it wasn't. Alex this is all my fault. I'm so sorry," she said, her eyes wet.

"It's mine too Hales, don't blame yourself too much."

I kissed her again, "I love you."

"I love you too Alex," she said.

"You have no idea how much I've wanted to hear you say that."

I kissed her again and she smiled.

Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams,
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep

"How can you forgive me so easily? It's my fault you've been so miserable, my fault that you're here," she said.

"Because I love you," I said simply, "love can make you do crazy things."

She giggled.

There was silence for a few minutes, only the slight whisper of the grass could be heard.

"So I'm really dead?" I asked.

"That's up to you," she said softly.

"What?"

"Right now, you are lying on a gurney in the middle of the road while paramedics are trying to revive you. You can choose to go back, or you can choose to stay here," she said.

"R-really?" I said disbelievingly. There was no question as to what I was going to choose.

Electricity ran though my torso, my heart beat erratically.

"I know what you're thinking Alex," she said softly.

Another shock.

"Then you know what I'm going to say," I said, rubbing my chest as another shock rippled through my body.

Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep

"Alex, go back to her," she said firmly, "you don't need to die yet. You have the opportunity to go back, and you should."

"But...I want to stay with you," I said sadly.

"Alex, please listen to me," she said desperately, grabbing my wrists and holding them close to her face, "you have to go back. I didn't have this chance, I was already dead when they found me, but you do! They got to you in time! I would have gone back if I could...what I did, it was inexcusable. It was horrible, it was wrong. Do this for me. Go back," she kissed the inside of my wrist softly. I sighed and nodded sadly.

"I love you," she reminded me, kissing my wrist again.

"I love you too," I said, pulling her into my chest again. I kissed her, hungrily this time, because I knew it would be the last one in a very, very long time.

"I'll wait for you right here. No matter how long it takes. Go back to Anna, to Jack, To Alyssa and Ivy, To Bill and Kyle. They need you. And don't worry, this may seem like an all time low, but when were together again, it will all be worth it...because we'll have forever."

She intertwined her fingers with mine, "now, close you eyes...and take a deep breath."

The last thing I felt was the soft brush of her lips on mine, and then she was gone.

Sing me to sleep (You've taken so much with you...)
I'll see you in my dreams, (But left the worst with me...),
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Alrighty kiddies, this is the second to last installment of Lullabies. Chapter 12 will be the last.
I don't know when I'll be starting a new one, I only have one other one even close to being finsihed, but I don't think I'll be posting it. I don't know, maybe I will.
As of right now though, this is the last one for a while, but I'll get one up as soon as possible.

Lullabies - Pt. 10

Lullabies
Part Ten

She paused, her hand on the door handle. I looked over at her, my eyes still slightly watery. She smiled at me, and swiftly leaned over and met her lips with mine. Soft and lingering, she leaned into me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I was frozen in shock. When she released me, she smiled swiftly once more and left. I watched her as she unlocked her door and went inside. I saw lights flick on. I could feel myself falling back into the hole.
I pressed on the gas pedal again, still surprised, the hole getting bigger.
This was a mistake. I wasn't ready for this. I may be ready to talk about Haley, but I wasn't ready for this kind of relationship, I wasn't ready to get this close with someone yet. What if she left me too? It would be like losing Haley all over again, and I don't think I would be able to survive this time.
My vision swan before my eyes and Haley's face came into my view. Again with the hallucinations.

Her face spoke to me, Alex please stop! You're going to get hurt!

I'm already hurt.

You'll only make it worse! She begged

I don't care.

Remember what Ivy said? Acceptance, Alex, acceptance!

I can't. I've tried. I can't.

There were bright white lights coming from behind her head now, getting brighter and brighter. She was going to leave.

No, no please don't leave me again! I begged, I need you.

You'll be with me soon enough. She promised.

I suddenly heard the screeching crash of metal on metal, and then everything went dark.

I opened my eyes into a blinding sunlight in a flawless blue sky. It took me a moment to focus, my senses were so overloaded. I realized I was standing up and looked around me. The grass was a perfect green, the sun bright on the horizon. A light wind blew, making the grass look like a huge green ocean; it rippled around my bare feet, the air smelled of wildflowers and saltwater. I looked down at myself, I was wearing all white. I turned to face the wind, and felt my heart stutter in my chest.

It was Haley, my Haley. Not Anna. Not a hallucination. Not a dream.

I took a step back, trying to remember how to breathe. She was infinitely more beautiful now than I had ever seen her alive. Her skin flawless and pale as ever, emitting a faint white glow, her body lit from behind from the sun, her eyes seemed to be green spotlights staring right into mine, wearing a knee-length dress that matched the flawless blue of the sky.

Make it a sweet, sweet goodbye -
it could be for the last time and it's not right.
"Don't let yourself get in over your head," he said.
Alone and far from home we'll find you.

"Alex," she breathed, her voice as light and happy as the wind that blew my hair in my face, she ran into my arms.
I held her against my chest tightly, surprised to find myself serene.
At this point, I was sure I was dreaming. This couldn't be real, there was nothing so perfect. I waited to wake up screaming again.
I kissed her over and over again, savoring the taste of her lips that I remembered so well.

The screaming never came. And I was grateful for it.
She finally took a step back, but kept a firm hold on my hands, she examined me critically.

Dead - Like a candle you burned out;
spill the wax over the spaces left in place of angry words.
Scream - To be heard, like you needed any more attention;
throw the bottle, break the door, and disappear.

"You look so sad, love," she said, her voice a perfect bell chime. I shrugged.

"I'm sorry. For what I did. For leaving you. You can't even begin to imagine how awful I feel. If I had any idea what it would do to you..." she trailed off.

I looked down at her flawless face. Even now, after everything she had gone though, her perpetual happiness shone out of every oracle. The faint white glow fell onto me and made me serene as well.

Sing me to sleep; I'll see you in my dreams,
waiting to say, "I miss you. I'm so sorry."

"I never stopped loving you," I admitted.
"I know."
There was silence as we stared at each other; I traced her face with my forefinger gently.
"Where are we?" I finally asked.
"I don't know."
"Why am I here?" I asked.
"You know why," she said simply.
"Am I...dead?" I choked out.
She nodded sadly.

Forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around,
it's like a piece of me is missing.
I could have learned so much from you, but what's left now?
Don't you realize you shot this family a world of pain?
Can't you see there should have been a happy ending we let go?

Lullabies - Part 9

Lullabies
Part Nine

Jack, Rian, and Zack didn't get back for over an hour, by which time Anna and I were sitting comfortably on the worn sofa, our heads close together, our faces inches apart.

The door burst open and Jack, Rian and Zack entered, laughing riotously. Jack noticed us first, "hey what's going on?" he said suspiciously.

"Nothing," I said quickly.

"Just hanging out," she said coolly, "it's easier to hear when someone is talking to you when you're closer together."

"Were you whispering?" Zack said sarcastically.

"Maybe," she replied defiantly.

Jack kept shooting us shifty glances for the rest of the day, undoubtedly due to our sudden friendship.

I found myself unable to stop smiling. It was still so unfamiliar, it felt strange. It was good feeling, being happy. It had been so long since I had genuinely smiled.

"Bye guys, see you tomorrow," Anna said, waving and shrugging into her jacket. "Bye Alex," she said, turning to leave.

"Bye Anna," I said, hauling her back and hugging her. She froze in surprise, but after a few seconds, her arms wrapped hesitantly around my waist. She smiled as I released her, and then left.

I turned to find Jack looking at me suspiciously, "you and Anna?"

"We're just friends Jack," I said.

"I thought you two didn't like each other," he replied.

"No, I like her..."

"Sure, sure. So how was Chicago?" he said.

"Fun. I saw my old friends; they might be coming to visit in a few weeks."

"Fun! That would be cool if we got to meet them," he said excitedly.

I laughed and grabbed my hoodie off the back of a chair, "I gotta go, see you tomorrow," I said.

I turned out of his driveway and drove down the street, and after a few moments, I noticed a figure walking up the street in front of me. When I got closer, I realized it was Anna.

"Anna!" I shouted, pulling up next to her, "what are you doing? It's dark."

"I only live a few blocks away. I'll be fine," she said calmly.

"Come on, let me give you a ride," I insisted.

She smiled gratefully as she opened the door and slid in.

"So tell me more about this girl I look like. I'm curious," she said after a moment or two.

I smiled, "her name is Haley, she was my best friend for practically all my life."

"Was?" she asked.

I bit my lip, this was the hard part. Acceptance is the key Ivy had said. Acceptance.

"She...died," I said softly.

Anna's face crumpled, "oh my gosh Alex, I'm so sorry. How? If you don't mind me asking," she said.

"No I don't mind. She, um, committed suicide. Painkiller overdose," I said. Why was it so easy to talk about now?

Acceptance is the key.

"Oh Alex, that's horrible. I'm so sorry," she said sadly.

"Yeah...I miss her a lot. You look so much like her. A little taller, and her eyes were green, but other than that..." I reached over and touched her cheek with the back of my hand, "you could be twins."

She blushed and smiled. I withdrew my hand quickly, and put it back on the wheel.

"Next left," she said softly.

"So that's what you meant about it being complicated," she pointed out.

"Yeah. I've had a really hard time with it. Her parents died in a car crash, they left her in custody of her grandma, who lives in California. She was only there for a few months before...it happened. The day that me and our other friends left after visiting her. I could have stopped her...if only I paid better attention..." I said. My eyes were blurry again, and I slammed on the brakes and was thrown forward slightly.

"Alex are you alright?" Anna gasped, rubbing her chest where the seat belt had dug in.

"Sorry... I couldn't see." I wiped my eyes quickly.

"Alex...I-I don't know what to say," she said quietly.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything," I said even more quietly.

I glanced at the clock on the dashboard, it was well past eleven, I pushed on the gas pedal without another word.

"That one," she said gently.

I slowed down and we came to a stop.

"Thank you for the ride," she said.

"No problem," I said, making an attempt at a smile, but managed only a weak grimace.

Oh my gosh I cannot believe this one is almost over, it's been one of my favorites that I've ever done.

What do you think?